The first Journal Entry

So, I guess I’m finally doing this… Let’s see how long this one lasts.

Today has been… Another one of those weird days. Started out oversleeping; again, but actually managed to make it to work on time.

Slept really crappy, woke up around 2am, and then again at about 4am, first with burning feet for some reason, and then with burning hands… So much for those splints.

I made it to work at about 9:15, through a confused bus-driver and a few people that had to step off two stops in a row… Sorry!…

The day started fairly simple, “stand-up”, the usual… Finally had that intro meeting with my manager today, and overall, I think he liked me.

Now comes the tough part I guess… Trying to explain why I can’t do a five day working week, because right now, I just can’t.

Towards the end of the day my anxiety levels started spiking again, I have no idea why… Probably because I once again had to explain that I may go down to a three-day work week for a while, which once again brought back the dread of losing my ability to work.

Right now, I’m just sitting here, shivering and shaking, both sweating, cold, nervous, anxious, just… Being bombarded with everything that’s going on right now.

I hope that tomorrow will be better.

I hope that I can sleep at least somewhat better tonight, since tomorrow is the day it’s all going to be decided I guess.

Meeting with both HR, Line Manager and his Manager.

I didn’t get a lot done today either. Yesterday was a lot better in that regard. So that’s just adding to my frustrations right now; at least I took the rubbish out again!

It’s hard to explain sometimes, how doing one thing, that to most people seems so trivial, can have such a huge impact on my energy levels. I don’t know how to deal with that part of my new self yet, but eventually I hope I can cope.

I hope so desperately to not lose my job. Without that, I wouldn’t know the first thing about how to survive. Where would my income come from? How would I pay the rent? How would I pay off the loan that I was forced to take in order to get to a reasonably accessible flat?

All these questions. And I have none of the answers. It’s driving me nuts at this point.

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