So, work has actually approved my pacing plan, which I am incredibly happy about.
The weekend once again flew past me, with little to be said about what actually happened.
I spent most of Saturday and Sunday in front of the computer, not really sure about what to do with myself (This seems to happen a lot; and I’m pretty sure it’s because of my steadily declining mental health)…
I actually accomplished something! This is the first time in a very long time that I’ve had the will and spoons to actually go outside while not at work (I.E. I didn’t HAVE to go outside).
It was a very short trip (Well, actually TWO of them), to the local “corner store” to buy a bit of food, some snacks and other titbits.
It was a small step, but yet such a huge accomplishment for me. It opened me up to the possibilities that lie in front of me. Even though my daily supply of spoons seems to fluctuate in a manner equivalent to an aeroplane spinning out of control, I can see myself doing a little more each day.
I woke up to some pretty gruesome news. Someone I hadn’t spoken to in a while (Because I may have insinuated some pretty nasty things to them), contacted me. An ex girlfriend of mine had committed suicide. I’m uncertain as to when it happened; but I know it happened.
This news pretty much set an abrupt halt to all my other plans (I was actually planning to go buy a few new clothes).
I spent most of that morning crying, mourning; blaming myself for something I had no control over. We hadn’t spoken in over a year, and yet her decision to take her own life affected me in ways that I’d never imagined.
I did it again! And this time it wasn’t just to the corner store, or anything like that. Yes, I went outside on a “day off”.
The crucial bit here is that I actually met someone who suffers from FND as well. This was, and is, part of my ongoing “quest” to find actual friends and build a little support network for myself.
The day overall was a little stressful; it started out with me not showering because I had to wait for a medicine delivery… I would never be able to make it out of the shower and to the door if someone rang the bell while I was in there. And with no idea of when the delivery would happen, I waited. Finally, at around 11:30 it came, and I was relieved of my “waiting duties”. That shower was sooo good xD
I then had to wait for an occupational therapist, who basically just wanted to make sure that I was safe at home, with the equipment provided by the people he works for. He also told me that IF my landlords were to agree (I’m doubtful they’d even CONSIDER it), I would actually be able to get the kitchen altered and made more accessible. I may ask them; I probably should, but I don’t expect them to say yes. This IS a beautiful kitchen, and I doubt they’d want to have anything done to it.
Onwards to late afternoon, and I met a person! Yes, I actually got out of the house, took a bus two stops (I hate taking buses, and this one was as bad as they come), got off and went in to a Café.
We talked for ages. We even took a “little” walk around the Ealing Broadway area, all in an attempt to escape all the noise! Unfortunately, it seems that no matter where you go in Ealing, there is always noise, and PLENTY of it. Yes, our meet and greet could’ve been under a lot less stressful circumstances, but I’m still so happy that I finally went out and actually met a person I can connect with!